Why Do Guys Hate Dating, Married Couples

Here we are...keepin' it real.

The very picture of excitement and adventure, am I right? We pride ourselves on finding new and challenging activities—usually ones that involve someone or something else doing the walking for us—you know, to keep things fresh!

Now I won't insult your intelligence by talking about why you and your partner should be finding quality time to spend together, no matter how long you've been a couple. It's obvious and it makes sense—dates give you a chance to communicate, destress, and simply do fun or romantic things you might not do otherwise. Let's agree on that and move on.

What does need explaining, however, could be your man's reluctance to date, despite all the glaring good it does. I want you all to be sensitive to this and to keep in mind this important explanation: We thought we were done! Dating, in your man's brain, was a means to an end, a necessary evil that got him where he needed to be but could be discarded once he locked the girl (you) in. Once the guy has the girl, dating is nothing but a source of funny anecdotes from long ago that you can pull out at lame parties as needed: "Ha, honey, remember when you fell asleep in the restaurant while I was talking to you? That was hilarious and didn't make me feel self-conscious at all." (This is real. My wife once dozed off on me on a date. I'm clearly fascinating.)

Believe it or not, our reluctance to plan dates is not actually because we've become unromantic or boring. We long for the opportunity to whisper sweet nothings to you from across a table in terribly broken French. We pine for a night of drunken karaoke instead of playing Words With Friends next to you in bed. Why won't we do it, then? Here's my theory: We can't believe we landed you.

Crazy, you say? Tell that to the guy whose beautiful, successful wife FELL ASLEEP IN A LOUD RESTAURANT while he was throwing down his best material. We maintain the same fear of dating you that we had before we got married. We think, what if it's all a ruse, a delicately balanced scheme of yours that can crumble at any moment, just by our choosing the wrong restaurant or choosing the wrong corsage? (What, all husbands and boyfriends don't bring corsages on date night? To those guys, I say remember my grandfather's words on prom night: "Boutonniere and corsage leads to sensual massage..."). So in a way, not dating is the most romantic thing of all—he's telling you you're way too good for him and he shouldn't even bother with someone so out of his league.

My suggestion? Take him out. Rebuild some of the confidence you know the poor lunk's lost while watching you drool on the couch during Channing Tatum movies the last few years (that's not a date, by the way). Show him he has nothing to worry about. Sit him down in a proper restaurant, pour him a glass of wine, gaze into his eyes, and, dare I suggest, stay awake.