Well, This Is Really Happening: J. Woww and Snooki Are Moving Next Door to Me

Here, take this Trump casino card that's been in my wallet for seven years and go meet him in A.C. Have a great time. (It goes without saying that I also better not see that Unit kid around, and by kid I mean lab-generated worst human ever.)

1. I don't want to see your underwear. But I would rather see that than what's under your underwear.

That's not too much to ask, right? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful civil coexistence.

So what do you guys think of my plight? I'll take whatever you've got--pity, excitement, advice--and you know I'll be giving you plenty of neighborhood updates once shooting starts later this month!

More on Jersey Shore...

New Survey Reveals Americans Think Brangelina Would Make Great Neighbors. Juiceheads and Anyone With Tiger Blood--Not So Much!

Brace Yourself, America--I'm About To Make The Case For Snooki Being A Good Role Model

*[This Just In: Snooki Looks Absolutely Gorgeous Without Any Makeup On. Wanna See?

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