Reader's Dilemma: "My Friend Is Really Sensitive and I'm Always Walking on Eggshells"

My dolls, you sent me your questions on Monday (keep 'em coming!) and today I'm going to roll up my sleeves and start tackling them. First up: A Smitten reader wants to know how to handle a touchy friend....

Our reader's question....

I have a very sensitive friend. She wants us both to go as cowgirls for Halloween. Now, way back, I suggested to my boyfriend that he go as Clark Kent. He actually found the costume, and now I naturally want to be Lois Lane. It wouldn't ruin my friend's costume if I decided not to go as a cowgirl, but I worry she'll be overly upset. And I dislike that I'm so worried over how she'll react. Thoughts?

My answer....

Thanks for your question, my dear! It's hard to have an overly sensitive friend, where you feel like you're on thin ice all the time. There's usually a deeper reason why people are sensitive--Maybe they're insecure about something? Maybe they're feeling threatened in some way?--and it's helpful to figure that out, so you can solve the problem at its root.

When it comes to your Halloween costume dilemma, it sounds like it's not just about dressing up as cowgirls. It seems to me that your friend might be nervous or jealous of your relationship with your boyfriend. Is she single? Does she feel as if he's stealing you away? Have you been hanging out less often with her? Even if you feel as if you're always calling her, emailing her and spending time with her, she fears (possibly, correctly) that she is not the #1 person in your life at the moment. From her point of view, she has a best friend who might be slipping away--and so if you aren't a cowgirl with her and instead are Lois Lane with your boyfriend, she might interpret that as confirmation of her fear that she really is losing you. (Plus, she might feel like an obvious third wheel on Halloween--after all, there were no cowgirls in Superman.)