Guys Confess: the 10 DON'Ts of Oral Sex

5. Too wet/Too dry

Each guy and his penis is different. That's why one guy, like Sam, a 40-year-old director of sales will tell me "It can't be wet enough. Saliva makes it sexy, and looser and so much more fun," while my friend Jacques, a graphic designer in his 30s, will say "The best BJs are the ones where I can barely tell she's been there; neat and tidy with no clean up." Jacques likes his oral stealthy and quick as if performed by S.E.A.L. team; Sam wants his messy like rebel forces storming a capital. There's no right way.

6. Not being experimental

"It sounds strange," says my friend Arjun, "But I knew my wife was the one when, without asking, while giving me head on one of our first dates, she reached back and started playing with my ass-hole." Sound extreme? It's not. Many guys (though not all guys) love having their little man-rosebud toyed with. For a lot of us, it's the express train to orgasm town. Doesn't mean you have to your fingers all the way up there like he's a puppet. Doesn't even mean you have to expose the tip of a single finger. You can just play with the exterior area of his anus, or even nearby, along the lines of his and your comfort level. Point is: not exploring and only giving standard, safe BJs can be boring, so live a little.

7. Not being mental

Or live a lot. "I love it when she goes wild on my cock," says Charles, a 31-year-old lawyer, "like really really crazy. It's amazing to know that she's so into it, that having my penis in her mouth turns her on so much that she can barely contain it." This goes back to #4, but with a little more edge. Guys like it that you like our penises. Pulling our your wild side when you pull out his manhood can be a huge turn on (I asked Charles examples of "crazy" oral sex behavior: he cites spitting on it, gently smacking it, dirty talk, rubbing it over her body and face).

8. Not using your other hand

Working alongside #6, know that, while your free hand doesn't need to be in or near his butt, it should be doing something. "Stroking my balls makes me so horny," says my friend Mark, a doctor. "There are so many nerves there and it's so intimate, but it's also a reminder that she's in control. It's so hot." You can also stroke his legs, the cheeks of hit butt, his hip flexors and groin, as well as the area behind his scrotum, which is ultra sensitive.

9. Not taking your time

Remember when people said "chillax?" Neither do I. I think it was strictly a term used by the Ninja Turtles and maybe a few sitcom kids whose writers imagined that's how people talk. But when you're giving a beej, try and chillax. It will help everyone. It will make him feel less stressed that this is something you're trying to get over with. It will help you realize this is no big deal and there's no urgency here, as well as keeping your neck and arm muscles from getting sore.