Dating: What a Guy Tells His Friends About You

When I was younger, my guy friends would ask stupid questions about anyone I started dating, and they usually focused on her breasts.

Fortunately, most guys grow out of that phase (the gossiping-about-breasts phase, anyway; we remain big fans of their existence). But we do still talk about you. When I bring up a new woman, below are the questions I hear the most—don't worry, they're not (entirely) what you think.

Do I need to get to know her?

This is the polite way of saying, "Is it just sex, or do you actually like her?" (Sometimes the answer changes over the course of a relationship, but sometimes a fling is just a fling.) If there's potential, we proceed to the rest of the list, starting with...

Where did you meet?

My friend Johnny* always brings this up. What he wants to know is "Do you think I could also meet the woman of my dreams there?" Johnny, 28, a musician, is perennially single and doesn't want to be, so his questions are as much about his love life as they are mine. The point? Men do compare notes but often about the serious stuff.

Does she want kids?

Yes, men worry about this too. Ever since my friend Sam became a dad, he's been on my case to start making babies. I suspect he just wants another sucker to hang out with on playdates, but that's OK: I, like most guys I know, want kids anyway.

How hot is she?

This question is not as common as you'd guess, but I do have one friend, Gary, who reliably goes there. He's 32 and married (unhappily, I believe), and wants to live vicariously through his friends. The bad news is that pretty much every group of guy friends has a Gary; the good news is that the reply is always "Gary, she's beautiful, and you're an asshole."