Amy Schumer Trainwreck Comedy Tour Highlights (VIDEO)

The poor girl looks more interested in her everything bagel than the comedic genius six inches in front of her.

And she chugged wine onstage.

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Girl after our own heart.

Then, the crew made their way to New York City, where Bill Hader made a guest appearance...

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As Stefon!!!

...And Amy Schumer dropped hysterical (obviously) one-liners, including:

What she's learned about dieting: "That's the Hollywood secret—don't put any food in your dumb mouth!"

How Lebron James got a role in Trainwreck: "I wrote him into the script because he's the only basketball player I'd ever heard of."