7 Tips for Surviving Best Friend Breakups
If you decide it’s best to end the friendship (even just for now) still make an effort to talk. “Communication is very important for clarity and closure," says Arvon. "Once you feel a sense of closure with a relationship you will be able to move on in all aspects of your life without focusing and dwelling on the past."
2. Crush post-breakup loneliness
Just like you would when a romantic relationship dissolves, it’s important to keep busy. “It's normal to grieve after best friend breakups. Every time we lose a relationship or person we cared about it's like a little death. Try not to grieve alone. That can snowball into depression,” says Dr. Gloria Brame, award-winning sex therapist and best-selling author. “Instead, reach out to others and let them try to cheer you up. Rearrange your schedule to include a log of outings with friends, make new acquaintances online, and get back on the proverbial friendship horse.” Surrounding yourself with other awesome people will help you keep your mindset positive and also make sure you stay busy after the initial parting.
3. And be sure to honor yourself by doing things just for YOU
“Identify your own personal grounding experiences and activities—yoga, meditation, spinning, running, prayer,” says Megan Fleming, a sex and relationship therapist in New York City. “Make time for these experiences and time to hang with good friends and those who bring out the best in you.” Thinking of joining a book club or running group? Now sounds like a good of a time as any…
4. Try a ritual to move forward
“When dealing with a BBF breakup, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve and indulge in your own sadness. This will allow you to actually feel your feelings and come to terms with the loss of the relationship,” says Avron. Spent a few days (or weeks) processing things and still not feeling alright? “If the grief is really crushing, create a private ritual to help you cope and refresh. Pack up all your photos of them and place in a box you store at the back of your closet — you aren't getting rid of them, but you are putting them away for now,” suggests Brame. “Or you can bid them goodbye with candles and music that speak for your feelings. You can even give the relationship a symbolic funeral: put everything that reminds you of them a wooden box and bury it somewhere. Rituals help us all to cope with the passing of someone important in our lives. And, whether or not you perform a ritual, store everything that reminds you of them out of sight until you can look at them again without a heavy heart.”
5. Spend some time journaling
Touching your pen to paper the old-fashioned way may work best for you, or maybe it’s just a Gmail draft you write to him or her with no intention of ever sending it. Regardless, get your thoughts out. “Journaling allows you to reflect and will provide a cathartic feeling because you are able to keep your feelings in a safe place, it’s always better to get your feelings out rather than keep them in,” says Arvon. “You will be able to reflect on whether or not you led to the demise of the relationship or if it was the other person whose actions did. Journaling your feelings about the loss of a friendship will help you better understand your own behavior and help you find a pattern. It will bring any negative patterns to light and allow you to see what issues need to be worked on for future relationships.”
6. View it as a growing experience
“Losing a BFF is a life-lesson. It teaches us that change is inevitable, whether we like it or not, and that we have to accept some losses and rejections as a part of the process of growing wiser and stronger about life,” says Brame. “Maybe life was letting you know that you'd both outgrown the other; maybe your values and needs changed. Learn from what life shows you and move on.”
7. Remember that people come into your life for “a reason, a season, or lifetime”
Fleming loves holding onto that oft-quoted idea for comfort. “What was this friend? How can you make sense of all that you have learned, what you will take with you, and what has forever shaped you from this relationship?” she says. Sometimes, even the best of friendships just need a break to reset themselves, or to give each party time to grow on his or her own.
I know I’m looking forward to starting a new season with Ellie this week at happy hour. Only this time, I’ll be ordering two drinks.
