10 Things I've Learned in My 10 Years of Eating Disorder Recovery

5. It's OK to avoid the mirror. There are a lot of people posting selfies on social media in the name of body positivity, and that's great if it works for them. But when you've got body dysmorphia, seeing your own image can throw you into a tailspin. I used to waste hours staring at my reflection until I "made peace with" it. But unsurprisingly, if I don't like my appearance at first glance, staring at it even more doesn't make me feel better. So on bad-body-image days, I'm better off avoiding mirrors and just not clicking when someone tags a Facebook photo of me.

6. It's also OK to avoid the scale. My weight has fluctuated a million times throughout the past 10 years, and not always in the ways you'd predict. The last time I weighed myself was about a year ago, and though I've gained a lot of weight (and a little more than I "should have" if the BMI chart is your guidance), my health is fine, and I look smaller than I have during times when I've weighed less. In general, weight is not a great measure of health or predictor of appearance. (The site My Body Gallery has helped me see all the different ways the same weight can look.) So I don't own a scale, and when I get weighed at the doctor's office, I face away from the number.

7. It's perfectly fine not to "love your body." Another body-positive goal that's awesome if you can make it work—but just not feasible for everyone—is "loving your body." I don't love my body, and I'm still happy with my career, my relationships, and my life. Women get a lot of flak for being insecure, but given the unrealistic expectations imposed on us, you can't blame us. My insecurities interfere with my daily life only if I obsess over them.

8. You've got to tune people out. A lot of unqualified people have strong opinions about health, and there are tons of conflicting theories about what you should and shouldn't eat. In eating disorder recovery, it's especially important not to listen to people who are on a crusade against gluten or dairy or whatever their enemy of choice is. You've also got to disregard well-intentioned folks who think they know what's best for your recovery. Recovery is an exercise in trusting yourself, because when it comes to your personal health, other people often don't know what they're talking about.

9. You can't rely on your significant other to improve your body image. People who haven't dealt with this themselves are prone to saying well-meaning but truly triggering stuff. I've had way too many arguments with boyfriends over adjectives they've used to describe my body. So I've stopped asking what they think. That's not to say I don't feel pretty hot when my (in my humble opinion) pretty hot boyfriend tells me how attractive he finds me. But I already trust that he's attracted to me; the reassurance is just a bonus. When he says something that seems to imply otherwise, I repeat to myself, "He doesn't mean it like that." And when I feel bad about my body, I don't seek recourse in him. I remember what I think of myself on my best days and remind myself that's probably closer to reality.

10. Your eating disorder is not you. One of the best strategies I learned in recovery was separating myself from my eating disorder. Some even name it Ana (for anorexia), Mia (for bulimia), or Ed (for eating disorder). Then, when you have a disordered thought, you can ask yourself who's talking. Your eating disorder may think your worth lies in your weight, for example, but you may beg to differ. You existed before your disorder, and you'll stay intact long after.